Skip to main content

No introduction needed

 So if you know me or not, I am Chloe, I’m 40 and am currently sitting on week 22(?) of not working.
I injured myself at mahi (work) last year and just had surgery in March, currently in my healing era.  Being confined to the whare (house) has been something of an adjustment, as for the most part of my life and basically the entirety of my career, I have been a social creature. I firstly welcomed the break and excuse to not do anything, but as the weeks have continued to pass by, I have become increasingly aware of how this isolation, is comfortably creeping into my brain.  Not for lack of wanting to leave, mind you, I am in pain, I am uncomfortable and when I cant fight, I want to cry. All this could be combatted if my gentle giant of a dog, could behave more predictably when out walking, but not having the strength to control the 50kg baby horse means I cant do it alone.* 
I was able to do a few shifts here and there at my job, but again, the lack of dexterity makes it basically impossible, I never thought I would find myself in this situation and life, whole heartedly, did not prepare me for it.

With that boring housekeeping BS outta the way, welcome to the inner ramblings of my mind.  Now this blog isn’t going to follow a script, or just be one thing, I am going to empty out my notes app, talk about the things I love, the experiences I have.  I’m going to post the writing prompts suggested by those who inspire and encourage me, I am going to try and write everyday to remind myself of the talent I once had and I need to do this away from the shitstorm of social media.  This isn’t for me to promote, or make money. This is a exercise in self love for my brain, my brain that has forgotten how to interact with people, who has forgotten how to create, my brain that feels like its losing its grip on joy.

To follow up that happy lil sentence, what you need to know as readers is this…
-I am okay, I am seeing a therapist as part of “adjustment to injury” counselling
-I am not doing this for likes, comments or money
-I have chosen to post publicly and occasionally will direct people from social media here, but I don’t really want/need feedback to my face
-I believe in free speech, cause I like to know who the bigots are, if you choose to engage here and out yourself as a shitty person, thats on you…if you don’t like what someone else says, take it up with them, not me

Anyways, with that little intro out of the way, we are out to hunt for Zombie Jesus at the beach, enjoy your 4/20. 

*he is an angel baby, but without both hands, i cant responsibly take him out, buses can trigger him, spur winged plovers can trigger him, skateboards WILL trigger him-it is not fair on him, me or the general public if I am not in full control of him at all times. Also, I think its actually kinda a law, if not it should be.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SINNERS - a review

There are classic movies for every generation and then there are classic movies for every genre. SINNERS is a movie that is both a genre and generational masterpiece, bringing to back to the screen the art of intertwining the horror story, with period accuracy. Coogler has crafted a classic Vampire film that encompasses the lore with folk tales that are cross cultural and used the painful history of the south, as well as music, as characters to carry the story along. The tale of twin brothers, excellently portrayed by Michael B. Jordan, returning to their hometown in the Mississippi Delta to forge a life of success with the help of their cousin Sammy’s talent.    Jordan’s performance of twins, Smoke and Stack,    is something to be revered as the subtle differences twins have has been brilliantly emulated on screen.   Now I also have to take a moment to praise Miles Caton* for his phenomenal performance of Sammy. The innocence of his desire but strength of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Happy Birthday Dad

 Tomorrow is my Fathers 67th birthday, I’m writing today because I may not get a chance tomorrow and it’s important for me to take a moment to celebrate my Dad.  About 8 years ago my Dad had a heart attack, he was clinically dead for 20 minutes and boy, was he pissed off that he had been brought back.  Dad claims he saw nothing on the other side, but my Aunt and I wonder if the reason he was so mad about it is that he did.  It was pretty scary and to see the parent, who was always seemingly more healthy, get struck by something potentially fatal, was hard.  I was in a weird mental space when it happened but managed to get my shit together (with the help of whanau) and get back to my home country.  I was home for 9months, I had to help convince him to pack up and sell our family home and he had to convince me not to stay. Growing up, our relationship was pretty solid, we had a couple bad patches but thats pretty normal.  My parents didn’t seperate till ...
Post a Comment
Read more

And another wasted week

 I did not end up back at the movies, bummer cause i would have loved it for my creative flow, but walking around the markets with what felt like thousands of people, was draining.  Good and great to be out in the sun with other humans, but so draining.   This writing thing has fallen so far off for me, I am so disappointed in myself and also in my restraint in writing out of fear who will see.  Which is the opposite of why I started this in the first place.  And going between wanting to express myself fully to the extent I can and being so concerned with how my expression affects others is adding to the disappointment.  Funniest thing is that it is all for nothing, I haven’t directed anyone here since my 1st post and thats the only time anyone has read anything, its almost embarrassing and even writing this now, I feel like the self deprecating tone is more so.  Seriously why am I like this? Through all this time off mahi, I have done nothing of ...
Post a Comment
Read more